I woke up this morning feeling exhausted, not just physically although my body was dragging. Nope, my brain was tired too. Decisions that were usually answered easily, like do I want oatmeal or sweet potatoes for breakfast, seemed weighty and burdensome. The trifecta was noticing that in trying to figure out what to eat, emotionally I was oscillating between irritability and tears. In short, I was tapped out, my cup was empty.
As all of this was happening for me, my family was buzzing around engaged in their regular morning routines. The girls were getting ready for school and Matt was preparing to go for his run. Looking at them, you’d think it was just another typical morning. So, why was I feeling so out of sorts?
Maybe you can imagine the judgements that stemmed from that thinking. If not, let me help you:
- “Alona, what is wrong with you?”
- “Why are you always so tired?”
- “Can’t you just soldier up and move on?”
Needless to say, these thoughts worsened just about everything that was coming up for me that morning. But beyond that, they stimulated a sense of deep loneliness and isolation. I felt alienated from my family, singled out and alone in my pain. It was a scary and sad place to be, and I wanted out!
At that moment, Matt came to check on me. His empathic presence allowed me to share authentically what was in my heart. Just knowing he was hearing me, seeing me and that he cared started shifting something in me. There was someone else by my side, I wasn’t alone. The girls, curious about what was happening, followed suit and also came over. Understanding that I was struggling, they both gave me huge heartfelt hugs. My sense of community was growing and with that, my cup was filling. Even more satisfying was sensing that I was accepted exactly as I was. There was no pressure to shift, fix, modify, or suppress.
What I noticed right away was a lifting of the heaviness and weight I was feeling. For the first time that morning, I was able to take a deep breath. My fatigue was still present but rather than draining, it felt calm, quiet, and slow. There was a sense of relief and warmth that filled me with love and care. And in that space, I was able to relate to myself differently. Instead of judgement came compassion, “Alona, you had a really rough morning. Today (not always) you were feeling tired and irritable. There is no need to soldier up, you are welcome as you are. You are not alone. You are safe and loved and cared for, just as you are.”
It is a true gift to be able to show up authentically and be accepted, as you are, by yourself and others. At WeHeal we are passionate about providing and supporting you in such a space while also teaching and empowering you to create it for yourself.
